Don't Burst My Bubble

My friend gave me the following mantra to repeat to myself when I feel like I am being sucked into other people's negativity:

I am surrounded by a barrier of positive energy, through which only positive energy may enter. If I am confronted by negative energy, it will NOT affect me. It will pass through and exit in a positive way.

This lunar cycle has been nothing but one huge challenge to this mantra. It feels like hell has been building since the new moon: an ugly altercation with someone I consider to be a close friend, childhood fears/insecurities coming to the surface, and the ever constant struggle of dealing with my ex's ups and downs. I can hear my grandma in my head, "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". I feel like I should be a demi goddess by this point. This thought leads me to this quote, "Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures." I am sucking it up and doing my best not to whine. I am remembering to count to 90 before responding to a charged remark in my direction while taking many deep breaths in the interim. With that said, I am not backing down on my positions. I am FINALLY in a space where it is safe to be who I really am. People will either accept me or they won't. I will no longer live my life according to other people's expectations. This doesn't mean I will stop making collective decisions based on the greater good. It just means that I am no longer willing to allow myself to be used and sucked dry. I often liken this feeling to the following:

See where the guy is helping that child put on his mask? He couldn't do that if he hadn't put his mask on first. In relation to myself, I can't help anyone else if I don't take care of myself. I have to meet my own needs. I cannot expect other people to do it for me.

With all of this said, sitting here on the eve of the winter solstice and new year, I feel in my bones that this year is going to be huge - not just for myself, but for everyone. Huge changes are coming our way and how we deal with those changes will deeply depend on our acceptance and mindfulness of whatever comes to the surface. I think this sums my feelings up nicely:

Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.
It isn't more complicated that that.
It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is,
without either clinging to it or rejecting it.
Sylvia Boorstein