I have been wrestling with sharing this story. On the one hand, I really don't want to incur people's judgement anymore than I already have in my life. I feel as though, by virtue of choosing a lifestyle very different from mainstream society, I am already under scrutiny from most people. I don't need to feel anymore judgment than I already do. On the other hand, I feel that I must share this story to help someone else who might find themselves in a similar position. Granted, this story is far from being over, but who knows how it might effect someone's own life later on?
So, here goes nothing.... Here is what happened.
This whole event took place right after I had just participated in an interview with Channel 13 news for the walk for disarmament. I had been actively participating in the walk's planning, meeting Sunday evenings with the rest of the core organizers, figuring out how to coordinate food, shelter, etc. I initially felt that I would not be able to directly participate because of my children. I didn't think they would be able to walk the mileage. After the first planning meeting, I realized that there would be a LOT of breaks and plenty of opportunity to leave the walk if the kids needed to. The kids and I were really excited and looking forward to participating.
I am always eager to have the children participate in activism whether it be cooking for Food Not Bombs , participating in demonstrations, or helping with neighborhood cleanups, etc. Not only does activism feed my soul but it teaches both kids important life lessons. Life lessons like "not everyone knows where their next meal is coming from" or "not everyone will agree with you standing up for your beliefs". Most importantly, though, it teaches them that they have to do the work to make the changes they want to see in this world. I believe it is the best way to convey Margaret Mead's tried but true quote: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
My arrest, as the officer continually called it, devastated my outlook on participating. I was so shocked that this man deemed me neglectful for something as simple as leaving my kids in the car (which was in my line of vision the entire time). If this was seen as neglectful, how would officers view my children walking in the heat of summer along highways & holding vigils outside military bases? The arrest also did a number on my self esteem as a mom. Was I neglectful? Was it wrong to leave my almost 10 & 6 year olds in the car while I dropped videos in the slot of the door? The week of the 15th was busy for us personally so I didn't have a whole lot of time to dwell on it until the drive home from PA on the 21st. I became paralyzed with fear. What if I am found guilty? I will never be able to teach. What if I decide to walk and get arrested again? I decided it was best to opt out of direct participation. Sure, we'd provide food via Food Not Bombs. But walk? Not this time.
I can't describe how depressed this made me and how overwhelmed with negativity I became. How can I call myself an activist if I am not willing to put myself out there? On the other hand, how do I put myself out there and remain available for my children? They depend on me for guidance, love & nurturing. How fair would it be to them to have mom locked up for standing up in her beliefs? These questions are still bouncing around in my head. I imagine they will be for a long time.
I remained reclusive throughout the week of the walk until Thursday. The kids and I made two dishes for the walkers' dinner. That night, I met Sister Ardeth. Talk about an inspiration! This woman served 33 months for her nonviolent civil disobedience. Everyone who spoke to me that night reassured me that there was nothing to fear & that I would be kept "safe" from any police officers trying to harass us. The kids and I listened to everyone's reflections of the walk thus far that week. All three of us were inspired. The fear left me as quickly as it had blanketed me. The kids and I would join them in any way that they were comfortable with. We joined everyone the next morning outside of the main Little Creek Amphibious Base gate on the corner of Little Creek Rd & Shore Dr. The kids and I participated in the first vigil of the day. I do believe it was 90 degrees by 9am that day. We had been all gung-ho about walking when we arrived at 8 am . That desire rapidly declined for the children as the hour progressed. Evan looked at me by the end of the vigil & said: "It would be nice to walk but I am just too hot". Although I was disappointed, I knew that I had to defer to the kids' comfort zone. They weren't comfortable so we weren't walking. There will be more demonstrations and marches in the future that we will have the stamina for. All things in due time.
As far as my court case goes, the arraignment is Wednesday. I looked at the statute he charged me under. I don't believe he has met the burden of the law in order for me to be properly tried and found guilty. If the case isn't dismissed Wednesday by the prosecutor, I will ask that council be appointed & see if I qualify. If not, I will do whatever I need to do in order to obtain a lawyer. I want this case dismissed & my records expunged. I would also like to continue our activism without feeling this type of threat hanging over our heads.
6 comments:
Don't lose heart, Sara. Whatever the "laws" governing this (they are not going to be anything to do with Common or Natural Law) stupid decision by an officer (and there you go - Officers apply statute, Police Men and Women apply Common Law; big difference), it is nothing to do with *your* behaviour; it is everything to do with the way this culture is determined that everyone complies with a single way of living.
How can your children be consumers, voters and workers if they are being told how the system is out to destroy the world and humanity? Feel proud that you are being different: if you are on the side of Common Law (look at the UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights for a decent analogue) then you can do what you like, morally.
Of course, some people, might want to go further - after all Common Law isn't Natural Law ;-)
Thanks for sharing your story. I saw the deleted remarks on FB and wondered what all had happened. How could that officer think your everyday normal action (I bet his own mother did it to him) be lumped in with abandoning a newborn on a hospital doorstep?? Stay strong, you have us all behind you!
Oh my goodness I read this and was outraged. But don't loose heart. You've got loads of people who are behind you. Stay strong.
Just out of curiosity, who are you anonymous? :)
You've heard how I feel, but here's a little more from the sexism battlefront... Perhaps you would not be having these issues if you were a "father". I heard a similar story where the Dad entering a convenience store, in this instance- and when confronted by the male officer, he merely explained that his wife was ill and that he took the day off to help with the kids and with a shrug of the shoulders he was schooled and sent on his way. Basically woman's work when performed by same must of course meet the standards set by law...or your neighbor, or the stranger in line next to you... (Do any of the Dad's out there deal with this?)
You are also not alone when it comes to feeling scrutinized for not being in line with everyone's ideal. I could write a book filled with the gems delivered by persons without children who base their expertise on the two hours they spent with their niece at a forth of July BBQ. As a foreword I can give the dose of condescension I received from the woman who asked why I didn't "keep the nanny overnight if I planned to be out so late"
Thankfully, I was wearing my scarlet "S" for single parent-else she may have included "Daddy" in her diatribe.
The irony here is that I, like you, are planning our every move by the measure of how it will affect or benefit our children. The other one percent of the time we are feeling angst for the times we may have failed.
There is no jury of peers who could fully appreciate all you do for your babies. But, please, next time you need to return videos, just ask the nanny to do it! Chelsie
My thoughts are with you on this one, for sure. Thanks for sharing. Remember all law is subject to interpretation.
I don't know how two children old enough to clearly let *themselves* out of a car if it got too hot would be considered neglect.
I hope you win in court! Do you have legal defense fund set up yet? :)
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