How To Be Alone

I figure after that wretched post this morning, I should follow up with something on a more positive note. Great, inspirational video =)

Sexting or Disrespect ?

I have a male acquaintance who I've been getting to know since October. We connect really well on a mental level. I find him attractive. So what's the issue? We don't share the same core values. He is a fervent capitalist. I'm not. He sees women as objects to fulfill his sexual desires. I see people for who they are - people. We talked about this last week. I have shared with him in the last few months my philosophy on clean love and honest seduction. He read the links then completely dismissed me. I brought it up again during our discussion. He dismissed me again. I told him that, although I love our conversations and find him attractive, I am not interested in taking our relationship any further. I can't connect on a physical level with someone who I don't feel respects my beliefs nor respect me for who I am. I didn't really get a response from him before he had to leave.

Now, this morning I received the following picture from him via text message:


NOTE: I removed the picture. This gives you an idea though...
This picture text came to me with no worded message. This is the first time he's contacted me since our conversation. I felt so disrespected when I opened this. This text message just validates my reasons for not getting involved with him. I know I'll laugh in a day or so, but for now I'm off to clean away my exasperation.

Transparency...

...feels good to me. What can I say? I find comfort in truth and clarity. Unfortunately, I am carrying a heavy weight that I have been asked not to share with others. I am filled with doubt and mistrust towards this person since they disclosed their situation to me (and promptly swore me to secrecy). I am not sure how to proceed and don't feel like I can really process it with anyone. I'm feeling rather overwhelmed and resentful at the moment. I don't feel certain in my next steps and I don't enjoy this feeling of impending darkness that seems to be lurking over me now.

Light & Dark

I was laying in bed with my daughter while she fell asleep tonight. I decided to dig into my old poetry more. I found two to share, one light and the other dark.
Here ya go....

Sage

old, magnificent
historic scents
through wintry blasts
or thunderous storms
still you have stood
so complex yet so simple
carrying the wisdom of generations

When the sun warms your rough texture
seeping into the cracks
engulfing the green
swelling your essence with life and warmth
a gaze in your direction
is all one needs
to feel at peace
energy of the ancients
radiate from your core
enigma abounds
what has blessed us with your beauty?


Dark

its presence blinds me
I protectively cover my face with my arms
squinting my eyes
I realize
the light is warm...

gentle...

calling my name
Slowly
lowering my arms
I bow my head
taking in the warmth

Engulfing
covering my body like a cocoon
I place my foot forward...
gently...
carefully...
treading where I never before dared to wander
I feel safe.

Suddenly
something is snapping at my back
at the backs of my ankles...
at the back of my mind

I turn
looking behind me
my safety is shattered
Darkness is surrounding me
bitter cold brushing my skin
phallic monsters begin to chase me
voices
Oh please save me from this hell
Will you cry when I die?
No.
Don't tell anybody....
Yes, I'll be there
Sorry I didn't show
Don't call me, Don't write me
NO! I don't want to!!

I stop running.

I remember

that is all behind me
I turn
It is calling me...
the light...
the safety...
the security...
Its presence blinds me no longer

Empower the Children

I've had a lot of feelings come up in the last week surrounding my children and how they are treated by various people in our lives. It has reminded me of this poem that I wrote in 1998. It's intensely personal yet I feel like I need to share it.

hello?
Hell-O?!
doesn't ANYBODY hear me?
you know, I may be short but I'm still here!
Remember me - the child you brought into the world?
why is it that nobody hears my voice?
"Children are meant to be seen, not heard."
I'm no less human because I am a child.

I think about things....
I wonder...
What if this is all a dream and I'm not even human - I'm a part of a different species.
I hope...
that my mom will leave Frank or that my Dad will come and rescue me.
I love...
my sister (protector) , my dog.
I fear...
crying myself to sleep, imagining living with Frank if my mother died.

See?
I have feelings too.
Please!
Just take the time to get to me know me,
the child.
Help give me a voice.

Believe in me,
Believe in the children.
Give us plenty of love,
Hug us,
Praise us
ask us about our feelings
This is all we need.
"Empower the children,
Empower the future"

Written for ALL children who are meant to be seen AND heard.